Helping someone you care about
I Have a Friend Who May Be an Alcoholic. How Can I Help?
Tell them you are concerned.
Give them current meeting information. Offer to go with them.
Do not argue, shame, or try to force the decision.
You can make the first step easier. You cannot take it for them.
Current local meetings
Start Here: Current Dumaguete Meetings
If they are willing to go, check the current meeting page together. Meeting times and locations can change.
A Question Asked in Dumaguete
Someone Wanted to Help a Friend
This page began with a question in an online public Dumaguete community discussion.
Someone asked whether meetings existed here and how to help a friend who might have a drinking problem.
The question was practical. What can I say? Where can they go? Can I go with them?
The first useful step is not an argument. It is one honest conversation.
Say what you have seen
You Don’t Have to Prove They’re an Alcoholic
Don’t argue about whether they’re an alcoholic.
Talk about the drinking you’ve seen and what happened because of it.
Tell them why you’re worried. Be specific. Say what you mean.
You can be honest without shaming them.
A plain way to begin
What You Can Say to Your Friend
Have the conversation in private. Keep it simple.
- “I’m concerned about your drinking.”
- “I care about you.”
- “There are AA meetings in Dumaguete.”
- “I can help you find a meeting.”
- “I can go with you if you want.”
Say what you mean, then let them answer.
The goal is not to win. The goal is to let them know help is available if they want it.
What can make things worse
What Usually Doesn’t Help
- Don’t shame them.
- Don’t argue about whether they’re an alcoholic.
- Don’t try to prove your case.
- Don’t post their situation publicly.
- Don’t expect one conversation to change everything.
- Don’t force them into a meeting.
You can make the conversation easier, but you can’t make the decision for them.
If they say yes
If They’re Willing to Try a Meeting
They don’t need to register.
They don’t need to explain themselves or know what to say.
They don’t have to be sure about anything.
They can come in, sit down, and listen.
The meeting doesn’t cost anything.
That’s enough for a first meeting.
Going together
You Can Offer to Go With Them
If they want you there, go with them.
You can look at the current meeting page together. You can find the venue before the meeting so neither of you is searching for it at the last minute.
You can walk in together, find the table, sit down, and listen.
You do not need to speak for them. You do not need to explain why they came.
If they say no
If They’re Not Ready
Leave the door open.
Give them the meeting information if they want it. Tell them you’ll go with them.
Don’t keep arguing. One conversation doesn’t have to settle everything.
You’ve told them you’re concerned. The decision is up to them.
That’s enough.
After you’ve talked
You Can Leave It There for Now
You’ve told them you’re concerned.
You’ve given them the meeting information and offered to go with them.
You don’t have to keep pushing for an answer.
They know you’re worried. They know the offer is there.
Questions that may still matter
Questions You May Still Be Asking
Is There Someone I Can Talk to Before I Speak With Them?
Yes. You can contact someone in Dumaguete and ask your questions first. You don’t have to give your family member’s or friend’s name or explain their whole situation.
Can I Talk to Someone Before We Go to the Meeting?
Yes. You can ask what happens, where to go, how to find the room, and what time to arrive.
Can Someone Meet Us Before the Meeting?
Yes. Ask when you make contact. You can arrange to meet someone at the venue before the meeting starts so you don’t have to walk in alone.
Can We Look at the Venue Before We Decide to Go?
Yes. You can find the venue first, see where the entrance is, and leave. You don’t have to attend the meeting that day.
Can I Go Into the Meeting With Them?
Yes, if they want you there. You can walk in together, sit beside them, and listen.
Do I Have to Explain Why I’m There?
No. You can say you came with someone, or you can simply sit down and listen. You don’t have to tell anyone the details.
What If They’re Not Sure They’re an Alcoholic?
They don’t have to be sure. They can come in, listen, and decide for themselves whether anything they hear makes sense.
What If They Agree to Go and Then Change Their Mind?
Don’t turn it into another argument. Let them know the meeting information is still there and that you’ll go with them when they’re ready.
Can I Make Them Stop Drinking?
No. You can tell them you’re concerned. You can give them the meeting information and go with them. But you can’t make the decision for them.
One more thought before you go
You Don’t Have to Solve Everything in One Conversation
You don’t have to make them agree.
You don’t have to find the right word for their drinking.
You don’t have to know what they’ll do next.
Threats and begging won’t help. One honest conversation can stay with them.
Tell them what you’ve seen.
Tell them you care.
Give them the meeting information.
Offer to go with them.
They know you’re concerned. They know what you’ve seen. They have the information. They know you’ve offered to go with them.
Leave the decision with them.