What If I Change My Mind and Leave Early?

Before you walk in

Maybe You’ve Already Been Close

• You’ve thought about going to a first meeting but worried you might panic.
• You want to know where the exit is before you walk in.
• You’ve already walked past a meeting location and not gone inside.
• You’re not sure you’re ready, but you know drinking has become a problem.

Getting close to the door

If You Are Asking This Question

If you’re asking whether you can leave early, you may already be thinking seriously about going.

A lot of people don’t walk into their first meeting easily. They check the location. They walk by. They look at the door. They wonder who’ll be there. They imagine everyone turning to look at them. Then they leave and tell themselves they’ll try again another day.

That isn’t strange. Sometimes that is what getting close to help looks like.

You may not be ready to call yourself an alcoholic. You may not be ready to stop drinking forever. You may only know that something is wrong and carrying it alone is getting heavy.

That’s enough reason to try a meeting.

Knowing where the exit is

What Leaving Early Looks Like at Local Meetings

If you’re nervous, it can help to know the physical exit before you arrive. There is nothing wrong with that. Some people feel safer when they know how to leave.

Bethel Guest House Meeting

The Bethel Guest House meeting is on the 5th-floor balcony area. There is a glass door between the balcony and the 5th-floor common area.

If you decide to leave, get up quietly. Walk to the glass door. Open it. Continue to the elevator. Press the button for the lobby. Take the elevator down and exit through the lobby.

You can also take the stairs if that feels better.

Valencia Meeting

The Valencia meeting is in a ground-floor walk-in restaurant setting. There is a large open exit with no door.

If you decide to leave, get up quietly and walk toward the open exit. You’re immediately outside in the parking area and on the street in front of the building.

Dauin Meeting

The Dauin meeting is outdoors on the beach.

If you decide to leave, get up quietly and walk along the beach, or head back toward the parking area behind the native huts.

Local room details can change. Use this as practical orientation, then check the current meeting page before you go.

If you leave after a few minutes

Leaving Early Does Not Mean You Failed

If you make it to the meeting and leave after ten minutes, that is still more than staying away completely.

Maybe you were scared. Maybe your head was too loud. Maybe you weren’t ready. Maybe the room didn’t feel right. Maybe you only needed to see that the meeting existed and that the door was real.

That doesn’t mean the meetings aren’t for you. It may only mean that was your first attempt.

You can come back next week. You can come back next month. You can try another meeting.

The door doesn’t close because you left once.

Choosing where to sit

Can I Sit Near the Exit?

Yes.

If sitting near the exit makes you more comfortable, sit near the exit.

Most meetings in Dumaguete aren’t large meetings with rows of chairs. People usually sit around a table or a group of tables.

Many newcomers imagine walking into a room where everyone turns around and stares at them. That isn’t what happens.

You find a seat. You sit down. The meeting starts.

If you decide you want to leave, you’ll already know where the exit is. If you decide to stay, stay.

The goal isn’t to sit in the perfect chair. The goal is to make it through the door and spend a little time in a place where nobody is drinking.

You don’t have to be certain

What If I’m Not Sure I’m Ready?

Some people come because they’re ready. Some come because they’re almost ready. Some come because things have gotten bad and they don’t know what else to do.

You don’t have to be completely ready to go to a meeting. You may still be thinking about drinking. You may still be telling yourself you can control it another way. You may still be making rules in your head: only beer, only weekends, only after dinner, only this one last time.

Many of us knew something was wrong before we were ready to say the whole truth out loud.

For an hour, you can sit in a place where nobody is drinking.

That may be enough for today.

If the first one doesn’t feel right

What If I Don’t Like the First Meeting?

Try another one.

Meetings in Dumaguete generally follow the same basic format, but the people and the overall feel can be different from one meeting to another.

If the first meeting didn’t feel right, try another before deciding meetings aren’t for you.

The question may not be, “Was that meeting perfect?”

The question may be, “Was I somewhere where people weren’t drinking, and did I hear anything that sounded familiar?”

You don’t have to go alone

Can I Bring Someone With Me?

Yes.

You can bring a spouse, partner, friend, or family member with you.

You may not be sure what you think about any of this yet. Having someone you know beside you may make walking in feel easier.

Read more: Can I bring someone with me to a meeting in Dumaguete?

After you leave

Do I Have to Explain Why I Left?

No.

If you leave quietly, there is no need to explain yourself.

If you see someone later and want to say something, you can simply say, “I wasn’t ready that day.”

That’s enough.

Questions that may come later

Related Dumaguete AA Resources

• What Happens When I Walk Through the Door to My First Meeting?
• What Should I Expect Once I Walk Inside?
• Do Meetings in Dumaguete Look Like the Meetings on TV?
• What If Everyone Already Knows Each Other?
• What If I Feel Out of Place at My First Meeting?
• Can I Bring Someone With Me?
• Can I Just Show Up to a Meeting?
• Do I Have to Speak at My First Meeting?
• Will Anyone Outside the Meeting Know I Was There?
• Can I Attend If I’m Not Sure I’m an Alcoholic?
• New to Dumaguete AA Meetings?